The quaintness of this kitchen may very well give me erectile dysfunction. Everything is shabby chic, white and gross.
I'm glad we have a dishwasher but look how stupid and little it is. It's about half the width of a standard dishwasher and 100% more likely to shatter our wineglasses. Also the soap tray lid thinger exploded off of it so who knows if it actually cleans anything. I'm thinking the detergent just melts away with the first spray of water.
Nice to see someone spent so much time cleaning before we moved in... The inside of the cabinets are so nicotine stained that it looks like someone was hosting AA meetings in there. We will have to paint these, I guess. I was really hoping not to because I think that means we will have to paint the outside of the cabinets, which means we will have to paint all the molding and the doors and probably other shit I haven't realized will need to be painted...Which I hear landlords hate. Oh well. Fuck the landlord.
The kitchen is outfitted with hideous light fixtures. I especially hate this one from Ikea because it looks like a pile of fingernails or as Brandon described it "like shrimp having a circle jerk or gangbang orgy". God, I love him. For some reason it's hard to take a photo that really captures how FUGGED it looks.
Look at the nasty hardware. It's dirtier than anything and has been painted over many times. I saw a post on http://www.doorsixteen.com/ once that showed how to fix this. It looked tedious and annoying but if I don't do it I might die. I'm going to try...eventually... most likely when I end up repainting all of those saltlick-bastard cabinets.
First things first:
We want to paint this kitchen blackish as I mentioned before. This is the fun exciting part. The part where people have come over and told us we are crazy and even "retarded". I'll show that bitch she's wrong. I'm liking all this Farrow and Ball reference I found. Farrow and Ball paints are super expensive though so I will probably just buy the sample cans and have them color matched somewhere local once I make a decision.
I'm thinking about a Petrol Blue color like Farrow and Ball's Hague Blue...I like it but it may look a little weirdzies in our kitchen. Perhaps We can think about that color in the guest bath?
Maybe black is too extreme and we should consider a Deep Gray like Farrow and Ball's Downpipe or Railings.
But damn I love pitch black.
We also need to have some colorful chairs up in hurr. I think we want something old and awesome like these bad boys...
...or these vintage deals by Joe Colombo
...Or these supernatural chairs by Moroso...(but you know... in that miraculous don't cost more money than god sorta way...
Or we will just give up like everyone else and go to Ikea...Wait no. No we wont. At least not for furniture. Ikea furniture is not allowed any more.